Knee Deep

Wow, so I am one exam from being through with this semester. I was about to launch myself into a studying frenzy, but I decided to take a moment to post first. I figure that by tonight, I’ll be too tired to think about anything, and I really wanted to get something up. I also want to take a breather so as not to burn myself out (I did just get out of an exam an hour ago). I want to remind myself and others that it is okay if I do not do perfectly. It is okay if I am not perfect. It is okay if I am doing perfectly. Either is okay, and if my stomach feels like a million caterpillars just bursting into butterflies, that’s okay too. My friend told me that I shouldn’t just “squish” my nervousness away (I am hardcore paraphrasing, but I do remember that she used the words “squish” and “nervous”). She told me that it is okay to be nervous, and that I shouldn’t undermine those feelings. I should accept those but be strong all the same. So yes, I am shaking in my boots right now, but at least I put my boots on.

Huzzah

I’m back! I feel like this is a big achievement to be back and trying to put in another post. This was obviously not a one and done thing, but instead, it has been something on my mind. I plan to do some more creative posts soon, but right now, I do not have much time; I have only enough time to just jot down my thoughts. Exams and final papers are really beginning to weigh down on me, but a friend of mine constantly reminds me that we are not numbers and that a couple “bad” grades do not define you. School is about learning and learning how to learn, and not everyone does super great on the first try. I am hoping that next year will be better, as this semester will definitely not be my best because I overwhelmed myself with too many difficult courses, but I am also grateful for this semester. For me, it ends tomorrow, and so my stress and feelings that I am a failure will hopefully cease too (Even though I try to remind myself I am not a failure, the feelings just stick unexplainably sometimes, you know?). But I am also going to miss my professors and my friends I have met in these classes. I also appreciate how much I was able to learn about myself this semester. One major thing I learned is I get stressed easily, and as much as I preach to others to prioritize their mental health, I myself do not even follow this. I found myself getting way to stressed by the end of this semester. Things were bad. Thankfully, I had my amazing room mate supporting me and checking up on me and just overall being a kind and amazing friend. I also had the support of all my other suities (suite mates), who are all amazing people. So I am super grateful to them and also to my dad who reminded me that while school is important, it is not something to be ashamed about or beat yourself up about when you have tried your best. That is all you can do, try your best. Not everyone is good at everything, and if you are? Well try me in a game of checkers sometime.

Birthdays, Gorillaz, and Hair Cuts

In the last few weeks, I have celebrated many birthdays, including my own, chopped off more than 12 inches of my hair and listened to the new Gorillaz releases like crazy. Oh and I decided to start a blog, which is pretty weird. I was hoping that this coming summer would be one where I just immerse myself in working and writing and reading, so I thought maybe I would want to document it in some blog posts or some videos or whatever I’m feeling. So I’m not sure exactly what I’ll be posting, but I think it will be entertaining and fun. I have done the whole try to blog and journal before, and it never pans out how I hope it will, but I intend for it to be different this time. I want to write more and do more photography, and not necessarily because I feel like I should, just because I want to. I guess I also feel like I should just because I know it’s good for me. We all have something that heals our soul, and for me, I think that something is literature, whether reading it or creating it myself. I want to try some new things this summer. So here is to sunsets and sunrises, toppling over as I try to do yoga and popsicle stains on my favorite shirts. Let’s give this a go.